


After all these years

by Daily_Scenarios



Series: Potential exit scenarios (with a happy end) [3]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, M/M, lots of feelings, potential exit scenarios
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 12:02:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20191957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daily_Scenarios/pseuds/Daily_Scenarios
Summary: "It took him everything to not start crying as he promised Aaron they're gonna run away together. He promised him and told him to get his bag from upstairs. Just as Aaron was about to go, Robert span him around and kissed him. It was goodbye, and Aaron didn't even know. He ran upstairs, but when he reappeared 7 minutes later with a bag full of clothes, Robert was already gone."Or...Robert leaves...without telling Aaron.





	After all these years

Robert knew his chances. He spent enough time with his solicitor to see it perfectly clear. He'll go down. And there was nothing more they could do to avoid that. Legally...

He had a plan. Dangerous, granted, but he thought about it for long hours while he was lying awake next to Aaron. He knew it wouldn't be just a couple of years. His solicitor told him facts. So he and Aaron could prepare for the worst. And he did. Without telling Aaron. He knew how'd he react, and he loved him too much to drag him further into this mess. The mess he created. He knew that his life... the life he lived until now was over. Aron's shouldn't be. He had family here, family that would miss him dearly, not like him. He fucked up his chances with his sister, and Diane, they wouldn't miss him, not really. Seb would be better off without him as well... and Aaron? He might be heartbroken first, but he'd move on... eventually. And as much as the thought made him sad, he hoped. Because as far as Robert was concerned, Aaron deserved to be truly happy. Even if that happiness wasn't with him.

Earlier that night they went to bed together, and Robert made love to him. These last couple of weeks were tense, and they weren't in the mood before... but now, Robert knew it was the last time he could do this. It was selfish and he hated himself for putting Aaron through it, even if Aaron had no clue about it just yet. Especially because of that.

But the way Aaron touched him, the feeling of his fingertips all over his body, he knew he's gonna live the rest of his life craving his touch, his hands, the firm hold on his hips, the scratches on his back, but most of all the soft moans escaping Aaron's lips. The way he shivered under Robert's mouth. He's gonna miss the warmth of his body next to him. So, he took all he could get. For one last time.

It wasn't easy, lying right into his face. To him of all people. The only one that mattered. It took him everything to not start crying as he promised Aaron they're gonna run away together. He promised him and told him to get his bag from upstairs. Just as Aaron was about to go, Robert span him around and kissed him. It was goodbye, and Aaron didn't even know. He ran upstairs, but when he reappeared 7 minutes later with a bag full of clothes, Robert was already gone.

There was a letter, however...

It was waiting for him on the kitchen table... just a couple of lines, and Aaron was crying even before he reached out to read it. He knew what it meant.

_Aaron, _

_You must hate me right now... I know and I deserve it, but you need to know there was no other way. I had to go. _

_You're going to understand once you've read the other letter. Destroy this one. It cannot get to the police. _

This made no sense. _What is this shit? -_ thought Aaron. He was so confused. Why would Robert do this to him? To them! Leave him... it made absolutely no sense. And how's he suppose to find this other letter? He knew Robert, but he wasn't a mind reader. There are tons of places where that letter could be.

He was still trying to process everything when he realized he didn't even get to the end of the letter.

_You'll find it, Aaron. It's so close to the day you made me the happiest bloke on earth. I know you'll find it, and then... maybe one day you can forgive me._

_Rob_

As soon as he read it he ran upstairs, right into their bedroom, looking for a framed picture. Their wedding. It has to be that. Their most favorite picture was on Robert's nightstand. The two of them with Seb. Robert took the photo with his phone and later they printed it out because it was too cute not to. Just the three of them, spending a perfect moment, in peace, at the backroom. Aaron tried to hold back his tears as he removed the frame. Under the picture.... there was a letter. His letter. From Robert. With shaking hands, he unfolded it, put the frame with the picture next to him on the bed, sat down, and started reading.

_Aaron,_

_I can't believe I'm writing this in the middle of a night when you're sleeping next to me. I know you have questions, I know it doesn't make any sense. I know you're confused, but there was no other way. I'm sorry I lied. I'm sorry I vanished, I'm sorry for everything. Right at this moment, as I'm writing this letter, you don't even know my plan... about leaving. You're asleep, so peaceful, and you have no idea. And I bet you'd want to come, and I know I'm gonna lie to you, and I know I'm gonna break your heart.... well since you're reading this, I know I did. Aaron, I never meant any of this to happen. But you saw the evidence, all the circumstances, there was no way I could've got out of this. _

_I know we were supposed to start a family, I know you wanted to. That's all I wanted too. And I want you to know that my biggest regret will always be that I couldn't give that to you. All I wanted was a little brother or sister for Seb, a baby with your eyes, your smile, and I know I ripped apart that dream. You have no idea how much I hate myself for it, but you're gonna get through this Aaron, you have to. The family will be there. Your mum, and all the Dingles, Liv... and Seb._

_Can you do me a favor?_

_Tell Seb I love him, tell him I'm sorry. I have faith in you, Aaron, I know we should've done this together, build a family, have kids of our own, but you're already an amazing dad, and Seb's so lucky to have you. Please tell him all the stories when he's older, tell him about me. I don't want him to forget me, even if I'm not gonna be there. Just want him to know who I am.... who I was. _

_I know I'm selfish, and I can't really ask anything from you after everything, and I know I hurt you, and I'm so very sorry, but this is important. _

_I didn't want to leave you, but I had to. It's for the best. Please don't hate me, I know you probably do, and you're right, you're always right, but just know that I love you, Aaron. I know it's not the best thing to say when I'm so far away but that's the truth. I can't let you waste your life on me, I'm not worth it. You have to find a way to move on. I know it sounds impossible right now, but... in time. I can't go back. Prison wasn't an option, I couldn't face seeing you there... I couldn't even face going there. I'm a coward, I know._

_I have so much to say, but I feel like I'm repeating myself. Don't cry, I know you do. And I wanna be there, to hug you, to tell you you're gonna be fine, but it's not really my place to tell you that. Not anymore. _

_I can never thank you enough for the love you gave to me Aaron, you made me realize that life's worth living. I just wish you could find the reason to do it as well. I know you think you cannot handle this, but you can! You're strong Aaron, you can get through anything. Even me._

_I'll always love you, always! And I know you love me too, okay? I know, but you gotta move on. You have to. For Liv's sake... and Seb's. I want them to have a proper family. One I couldn't give to you, and for that, I'll always hate myself. But please Aaron, just be happy. Because I saw the light in your eyes when you smile and others deserve to see that too. You deserve to have the best life, even if it means I cannot be with you. _

_I ruined my life, I couldn't do that to yours as well. Please forgive me... _

_You know,_

_Your Robert _

* * *

It took weeks.... just for him to leave the house. He didn't care about work.... he didn't care about anything. He couldn't even see Seb. He hated that he was incapable of seeing his son... the child that reminded him of Robert, who looked more like Robert with every passing day. He hated how he couldn't control his emotions.

The family was worried, of course they were. They honestly thought they will lose him as well. Obviously not like Robert, but... they were afraid of him shutting them out. And he did that.... for a couple of months. He even went away to clear his head... that was 11 months after Robert left.

11 months he thought. They could've been parents by this time, if life turned out to be different. They could've been happy.

Then it was suddenly 3 years.... then 5.... and things didn't change that much. The Robert shaped hole in his heart never really healed, it only got a little bit smaller. Seb helped. He helped a lot. He was the first one to put a smile on his face, and slowly things were normal again. As normal as they could be.

After 4 years he tried dating for the first time.... didn't get very far. He legged it even before the bloke could've got him a drink. It was weird... it felt wrong. It felt like cheating. He knew it was ridiculous, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He wasn't interested. There was only one man he wanted in his life, and he was impossible to reach. He had no idea whether he was even alive or not. If he found someone new, lived under a completely different name... he knew nothing. There were days when he still couldn't control his feelings. Sometimes he felt anger.... he hated Robert for putting him through this. He hated that after 5 years it still felt like it happened only yesterday. Then he was sad.... he spent days crying.... alone, in the middle of the night, when nobody could hear or see him. He always put up a front in front of Seb. He spent a lot of time at the Mill, and Aaron loved having him so close.

But he still couldn't move on.

* * *

He told himself he was being paranoid. He must have been. He spent the last 5 years looking over his shoulder, he caught himself searching the crowd... even if he knew it was impossible. Robert most certainly wasn't in the country, but Aaron couldn't shake the feeling. Not even after all these years.

It got better in the past year or so, but for weeks now, he had the feeling he was being watched. It only really bothered him when he was with Seb because his first priority was keeping him safe.

He was 7 now. A big boy and Aaron couldn't be more proud of him. He knew Robert would be too. Seb looked so much like his father, it sometimes made Aaron cry for no reason.

He kept his promise. Seb knew exactly how much hid dads loved each other, he knew – the child-friendly – version of their love story, and after he heard the word _soulmate _from his nana Chas, he knew that soulmates were always meant to be because their love was so strong. The only thing he didn't really understand was why daddy Robert had to go. He knew he loved him, and that he was proud of him because daddy Aaron always told him that – although he had no idea how daddy Robert knew what he's done to be proud of – but he didn't really get why he couldn't just come home? If daddy Aaron loved him that much, why couldn't he just.... be here.

Aaron tried to explain the best he could, but sometimes it got too hard, and he needed to take Seb to the pub, so he could go for a walk to calm down. He didn't want Seb to see his misery.

He told Chas about his feelings, and she wasn't even surprised. She knew her son was trying to cope, but she also knew it was hard for him.

She tried to encourage him to go out, to meet new people, but after 2 failed attempt she could see that Aaron wasn't ready. Robert wasn't a part of his life for 5 years now and he still couldn't move on. Deep down she knew he probably never will.

They had a good heart to heart, Chas was trying to ease his worry, and after some time it looked like it worked.

Now he felt a bit stupid. Course it was just in his head. He needed to finally do what Robert had asked him to do.... move on properly.

He sighed as he reached the Mill. Maybe he should find another place. Everything in that house reminded him of Robert, and how was he supposed to get on with his life like that? If there was someone.... how could he bring him here.... in the same bed where he used to lay with Robert? Where they whispered sweet nothings just before they drifted off to sleep.... the same bed where now he could only sleep on Robert's side.... ever since he went away. He never told his mum, and since Liv moved to London there was no one else that could've picked upon it, but.... he was still buying that expensive shower gel Robert used to. First, it was comfort, now it was a thing he couldn't get through the day without. It was familiar, even if it broke his heart a little bit every time he opened the bottle. That scent... _his scent_, it brought back memories he knew he'll never be able to forget. He never even wanted to. He was nowhere near ready to let him go.... even if he was gone for years now.

With everything going on in his head, all he wanted was a beer.... or two to stop his brain just for a few minutes. He certainly didn't expect a visitor... waiting for him at the kitchen table. Sitting there like it was normal.

As soon as he saw Aaron, he stood up. He almost looked the same. Shorter hair, light stubble on his face, a few more wrinkles, but it was him, and he was there. With the same soft smile on his face that Aaron knew and fell in love with all those years ago.

“Aaron?” - he asked and for a moment Aaron forgot how to breathe.

“Robert?” - he asked back after he found his voice again. He just couldn't believe it. Tears were already forming in his eyes and he needed to grab the back of the chair to stop himself from fainting. He felt sick, he wanted to hate him for making him feel like this. He wanted to scream and shout just like he did after he read that letter for the first time, five whole years ago.

He wrecked the house that day. Then he got drunk... really drunk, was in a haze for about a week and a half. He almost burnt the scrapyard down if it wasn't for Jimmy. He stopped him eventually but not before he trashed the whole place. - ”What? How?” - he stuttered. That's all he could say.

Robert ignored his asks he just kept on looking at Aaron – “You look good.” - he said fully expecting a storm.

“That's all you have to say?” - started Aaron – “After five years... FIVE FUCKING YEARS ROBERT!” - he shouted.

“I'm sorry.”

“I hate you.” - he sniffed.

“I know.” - said Robert looking down at his shoes.

“Why?” - he asked with tears running down his face. Robert couldn't answer... for a second he couldn't even look at him. He was ashamed. - “How dare you..... come here like nothing's happened?” - he cried – “What if Seb was here with me? What was I supposed to tell him?”

“I know he's in holiday club.” - said Robert and Aaron was gobsmacked. - “I checked before.”

“What if I wasn't coming home alone? What if...”

“I watched you.” - interrupted Robert. There was no point in lying. - “I know how it sounds but I had to be sure before I did this. I had to know...”

“Know what? That you ruined me that much that I still couldn't move on after half a decade?” - he said and it hurt. It hurt to hear the pain in his voice but Robert needed to face the truth. He didn't deserve anything.... certainly not Aaron's forgiveness.

“Aaron... I never wanted to leave... I just ….”

“You had to... I KNOW.” – he shouted the last part. - “You have no idea how many times I've read that bloody letter....”

“Can I.... can I explain everything?”

“How? How do you wanna do that?”

“Just... can I try? Please, Aaron, these 5 years were the worst …”

“I spent two years in therapy...” - blurted out Aaron.

“What?” - asked Robert with a broken voice. He knew his actions had consequences but he never would've guessed it scarred Aaron that deep. He hoped it wouldn't. Aaron didn't say another word and Robert just ran his hand through his face, taking a deep breath – “Andy said I shouldn't come back....”

“Andy?” - asked Aaron suddenly. Where did Robert hide in all these years exactly?

“It's a long story, and I wanna tell you everything... but... I know I don't deserve it....don't deserve you...” – he said as he started to cry – “...and you can hate me, hit me if you want but... can I.... can I just hug you? Please Aaron, just once... I missed you so much.” - he begged and Aaron couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to hit him, yes. But he wanted to pull him close more. So he did. Robert really didn't see it coming but once Aaron's arms were around him he completely let go. - “Thank you.” - he whispered as he felt Aaron's hold tightening around him.

They stood there in the kitchen crying, and Aaron had so many questions. - “You can't do this to me Robert.” - he sobbed.

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.” - he repeated over and over again – “Aaron, you have to know...” – he started – “I can't stay.” - he said finally, and Aaron let him go, looking into his eyes, unable to stop the tears. Years of frustration and pain came rushing through him.... again. - “The police can't find me... I have to go back.”

“Back where?” - he asked but before Robert could open his mouth to reply he started again – “No.” - he sniffed – “I won't let you walk away again. I can't.”

“I know.” - said Robert like he expected this answer. - “We figure it out.”

“How?”

“I don't know yet, right now I just want this.” - he said pulling him closer and before either of them knew their lips touched for the first time in five years. Their faces were wet with tears, Robert tried to brush it away, but Aaron didn't let him move. He held his hands like he was afraid if he didn't do it, he'd vanish.

“Why did you come back?” - he asked him once they broke apart. - ”It's been five years Robert.” - he said with a voice lower than a whisper – “You should've started again.... with someone.”

“What, like you did?” - he fired back before he smiled at him. - “I came back for you. I wasn't sure whether you still lived here.... or if you had anybod...”

“No.” - he said interrupting him – “There was no one.” - he said simply and Robert smiled at him again, letting out a little laugh. It was relief. - “I have so many questions Robert, and you need to tell me... I need to know...”

“Okay, sshh.” – he hushed him – “I tell you everything okay? And then, we figure out the rest.”

“Together?” - asked Aaron and his voice was unsure, broken, and Robert hated that he did that to him.

“Together. I'm not going without you. Not this time.”

**Author's Note:**

> okay, this was way too emotional, but I needed to put this out there. There are plenty more to come. 
> 
> you can find me on twitter: @tardisgirl93
> 
> or tumblr: susieskinner93


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